omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
