captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
