My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
