come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
