Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
