and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
