you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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