If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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