Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize