How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
