I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
