id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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