she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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