Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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