So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
that may or may not have been my penis.
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