Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
