i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
