Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
