I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize