He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
