there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
