Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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