your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
