Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
