I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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