I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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