I am in a vortex of obligation.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
