Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
