If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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