the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
