Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
