i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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