Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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