complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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