the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
