My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
