I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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