I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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