I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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