Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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