fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
