I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
