Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
