So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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