I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
