i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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