Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
