I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
