The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
