We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
