party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
