She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
