we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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