I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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