True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
honey bunches of taint.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
