why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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