Sry I called you an 8
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
