i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
