The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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