were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
