you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
