Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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