look no pants
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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