My ATM looks so different sober.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
