I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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