apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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