very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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