I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
