i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
