Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
