Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
