What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
