Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
