day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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