I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
